Soul Insurance

Soul Insurance

Regular price $3.50 Sale

Is your Eternal American Soul worth insuring? Are your families?

“Then, turning to his disciples, Jesus said, ‘These blessed digital certificates will save more Souls than the entire Church!

What with all the child-diddling going on, none of those dress wearing fools have any time to do real prayer, never mind real Good...and whats with the elaborate costumes?!
It's almost as if repressing grown ass adults leads to some sort of psychological disconnect, with a healthy side portion of fabulous!

The other churches where they sing and pray for wealth are no better, Truly I say unto thee, who said people could play pick and chose with his Holy Word! Hark!”
Jumbala 13:22-23

It’s funny how we are so concerned over things we have purchased. Those items are here today and will be gone tomorrow. What if your Soul is Raptured TODAY?

Ours is the Only Soul Insurance Policy that has bundled in Rapture Protection for Free!

No more worrying about the End of Days, or whatever will be left of this planet, who cares when You’re going to Heaven!*

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Luke 12:34

Your heart has been in Heaven the whole time, why worry about this planet and the Heathens on it! Hail Jesus!

Our Soul & Rapture Insurance Policy guarantees that if your Soul is:

  • Damaged,
  • Led astray,
  • Raptured,
  • not-Raptured,
  • or Destroyed*,

A full $20 Million of Thoughts & Prayers to help your Soul enter the Heavenly Pearly Gates!! 

This week only, we will double the value of your purchase with the same value of Blessings, that’s an extra $40 Million in value !!!

Done the same day as the Rapture, guaranteed!

Can you afford not to have your, and your families, Souls Insured*?

*We will send you literally nothing.

* See our Guaranteed ticket to Heaven for absolute certainty of going to Heaven!